A Water Bottle Manifesto

We Portlanders know the importance one's water bottle has on one's image. If we carry around re-used Snapple bottles, what would people think? They would think we're the recycling and reusing types bent on conservation. And, we would be quite content with such a characterization. Water bottles are yet another way which set us apart as individuals.

I remember my first official water bottle. I happily forked out $10 back in 2002 for a plastic Nalgene water bottle with the Tullys Coffee logo on it. I toted this 18 ounce water bottle around my high school and regularly filled it up with tap water. I felt quite cool. As I looked around my classroom, my desk was one of the few adorned with a giant Nalgene bottle. Indeed, I felt ahead of the game. But soon, everyone else started buying these over-priced water bottles. And then, I became like everyone else. Just another person with a Nalgene water bottle. Ho hum.

So, whilst we hydrate ourselves, we also want to celebrate our individuality with out water bottles. Hence, stickers have come into play. Some people slap a sticker of their favorite bands logo on their water bottle. Others display political slogans. But in any case, we make an attempt to spice up our water bottles and make them uniquely our own.

Although Nalgene water bottles were nothing but a fleeting fad, water bottles are still a popular accessory. But they have morphed in style, shape, color and now material.

To keep up with the ever-changing times, I have purchased a stainless-steel water bottle. With a flowery design set against the royal blue stainless steel, it truly is a beauty. However, once again, I have noticed that I am not the only one with the bright idea to have a stainless steel water bottle; everyone else has one too. So, I might make mine more distinct by ornamenting it.

Perhaps I will utilize that sticker I was given that says, "I only drink tap water." But then again, everyone else might start to do that also. Sigh.

I Never Met a Chocolate I Didn't Like

I reach for the chocolate the way Sherlock Holmes reached for the opium.

Why, just the other day as I was doing my shopping at the very prestigious Winco I came upon some Lindt chocolate truffles. “I’ll take 16, thank you,” I said to myself as I generously shoveled them into a plastic bag and foamed with excitement at the prospect of enjoying them. Well of course, on the short drive home, I just couldn’t resist and I promptly popped three of them into my mouth. They were the first victims to my irrepressible craving—they never even had a chance to make it to the cupboard.

I’m not sure what exactly makes chocolate so appetizing. All that Cacao mixed with sugar and then just a touch of milk makes ones taste buds positively brimming. Additionally, there are so many types to pick from. Chocolate mixed with…English toffee, creamy mint, peanut butter, almonds, marzipan and even chilies. Just when one gets sick of one flavor, well there's a new flavor on the market.

But lately my chocolate vice has been worse than normal. I find that it gives me energy to plow through some boring text for say a Social Research class. I’ve been keeping it in my (very trendy) messenger bag and allowing myself several morsels at around one in the afternoon. And lately, I’ve even been fooling myself into thinking that it’s healthy.

“Oh, but you need the antioxidants to fight off all those free radicals in your system. Plus, it's really a fruit, after all, it grows on a tree. So, it must be nutritious. Why, it's practically a vitamin."

This is a very helpful tip for one’s justification on the consuming of chocolate.

The Novelty of Cutlery

Cutlery, Silverware, Farberware…Call it what you want, but there is no mistaking that it’s a fabulous invention.

Cutlery: It may seem trite, but it’s nothing to take for granted. Some people eat with their fingers. Now this is a very efficient and practical way to eat. However, one has to be careful to keep one of their hands clean, so they always have a nice sanitary hand for the task of eating. That’s the downside.

And then animals just use their mouth and tongue for the action of eating. This method is very cheap and it eliminates all costs of goods expenses. However, side affects for humans include chronic sloppiness, social awkwardness and general weirdness. So please, consider the cons.

But, let’ explore the method of using cutlery for our duty of eating. I get the privilege of using a fork and knife (and chopsticks if I am feeling especially adventurous). It’s quite nice not to have to spread cream cheese by means of my finger. Not only that, but were I to eat a steak, I would definitely utilize a fork and knife, it’s much more pleasing than the other option—picking up the steak the way one does a sandwich, and sinking my teeth into it. That would be weird— ‘tis not how I was reared!

And, that is why I am thankful for cutlery. Just imagine what means we would have to employ if we did not have it.

So, to Mr. I-invented-the-fork, I humbly say “thank you.”