A Water Bottle Manifesto

We Portlanders know the importance one's water bottle has on one's image. If we carry around re-used Snapple bottles, what would people think? They would think we're the recycling and reusing types bent on conservation. And, we would be quite content with such a characterization. Water bottles are yet another way which set us apart as individuals.

I remember my first official water bottle. I happily forked out $10 back in 2002 for a plastic Nalgene water bottle with the Tullys Coffee logo on it. I toted this 18 ounce water bottle around my high school and regularly filled it up with tap water. I felt quite cool. As I looked around my classroom, my desk was one of the few adorned with a giant Nalgene bottle. Indeed, I felt ahead of the game. But soon, everyone else started buying these over-priced water bottles. And then, I became like everyone else. Just another person with a Nalgene water bottle. Ho hum.

So, whilst we hydrate ourselves, we also want to celebrate our individuality with out water bottles. Hence, stickers have come into play. Some people slap a sticker of their favorite bands logo on their water bottle. Others display political slogans. But in any case, we make an attempt to spice up our water bottles and make them uniquely our own.

Although Nalgene water bottles were nothing but a fleeting fad, water bottles are still a popular accessory. But they have morphed in style, shape, color and now material.

To keep up with the ever-changing times, I have purchased a stainless-steel water bottle. With a flowery design set against the royal blue stainless steel, it truly is a beauty. However, once again, I have noticed that I am not the only one with the bright idea to have a stainless steel water bottle; everyone else has one too. So, I might make mine more distinct by ornamenting it.

Perhaps I will utilize that sticker I was given that says, "I only drink tap water." But then again, everyone else might start to do that also. Sigh.

I Never Met a Chocolate I Didn't Like

I reach for the chocolate the way Sherlock Holmes reached for the opium.

Why, just the other day as I was doing my shopping at the very prestigious Winco I came upon some Lindt chocolate truffles. “I’ll take 16, thank you,” I said to myself as I generously shoveled them into a plastic bag and foamed with excitement at the prospect of enjoying them. Well of course, on the short drive home, I just couldn’t resist and I promptly popped three of them into my mouth. They were the first victims to my irrepressible craving—they never even had a chance to make it to the cupboard.

I’m not sure what exactly makes chocolate so appetizing. All that Cacao mixed with sugar and then just a touch of milk makes ones taste buds positively brimming. Additionally, there are so many types to pick from. Chocolate mixed with…English toffee, creamy mint, peanut butter, almonds, marzipan and even chilies. Just when one gets sick of one flavor, well there's a new flavor on the market.

But lately my chocolate vice has been worse than normal. I find that it gives me energy to plow through some boring text for say a Social Research class. I’ve been keeping it in my (very trendy) messenger bag and allowing myself several morsels at around one in the afternoon. And lately, I’ve even been fooling myself into thinking that it’s healthy.

“Oh, but you need the antioxidants to fight off all those free radicals in your system. Plus, it's really a fruit, after all, it grows on a tree. So, it must be nutritious. Why, it's practically a vitamin."

This is a very helpful tip for one’s justification on the consuming of chocolate.

The Novelty of Cutlery

Cutlery, Silverware, Farberware…Call it what you want, but there is no mistaking that it’s a fabulous invention.

Cutlery: It may seem trite, but it’s nothing to take for granted. Some people eat with their fingers. Now this is a very efficient and practical way to eat. However, one has to be careful to keep one of their hands clean, so they always have a nice sanitary hand for the task of eating. That’s the downside.

And then animals just use their mouth and tongue for the action of eating. This method is very cheap and it eliminates all costs of goods expenses. However, side affects for humans include chronic sloppiness, social awkwardness and general weirdness. So please, consider the cons.

But, let’ explore the method of using cutlery for our duty of eating. I get the privilege of using a fork and knife (and chopsticks if I am feeling especially adventurous). It’s quite nice not to have to spread cream cheese by means of my finger. Not only that, but were I to eat a steak, I would definitely utilize a fork and knife, it’s much more pleasing than the other option—picking up the steak the way one does a sandwich, and sinking my teeth into it. That would be weird— ‘tis not how I was reared!

And, that is why I am thankful for cutlery. Just imagine what means we would have to employ if we did not have it.

So, to Mr. I-invented-the-fork, I humbly say “thank you.”

Snug as a Bug in a Coffee Mug

I like, I mean, love coffee. So, several years ago (five to be exact), I bought this totally awesome coffee mug.

It had a map of the world and on each continent it said the word “coffee” in the local language. Now, this was my favorite mug. I could muse at how people in Indonesia, or Latvia might pronounce coffee. “Kopi,” or “kafija” I would say to myself on any quiet morning. This mug made me feel smug and snug.

When I wanted some coffee (or tea) I would reach for this particular mug in the cupboard. I liked the smooth sandy feel of the ceramic as my lips touched the rim to partake of that sweet nectar. It was an ideal size and it fit in my hand so nicely. This mug and I were great friends. I must have employed this mug nearly every day for the task of being my portal in which I would enjoy coffee from.

The other day, in my usual groggy-morning-mood, I opened the cupboard, yawned and reached for my favorite mug. There it was on the top shelf. I took it down and as I was putting the kettle on, somehow it escaped my grip. Gravity pulled it down to the floor and it exploded in a crash. All that remained were the bits and pieces of a once loved mug. And ya know what? I don’t even care. It’s just a stupid mug. That’s why.

It kind of made me realize the silly value we put on our material goods. Sure, they’re cool and we like them, but they’re nugatory. (Aha! An opportunity to use the word “nugatory”).

Camels are Pets Too

Camels are the coolest animals.
• They can survive on thorns and dry grasses.
• They can drink 95 liters of water in ten minutes.
• They have this uncanny memory for where desert water holes are.
• They store fat in their humps as a reserve against scarcity.
• They don’t really go to the bathroom that often, or lose water through sweat.

All of this enables them to plod across vast deserts without food or water for days on end.

So, when you’re watching a movie about Arabia and you see someone walking across the desert at dusk with their robes blowing in the sandy wind and you’re thinking “Wow that Bedouin is pretty neat,”or “Nomadic people are so exotic. Neato burrito!” Well, they couldn’t be nomadic or exotic without their pet camel.

What I am trying to teach you all is this: don’t take camels for granted!

The Treatment of a Footgear Addict

There are some people (of whom you have probably become acquainted with, they're everywhere) who are absolute shoe fanatics. They're advanced connoisseurs of these things. Now, I don't market myself as a shoe connoisseur although I would very much like to be. I do have a small well-worn, well-loved and eclectic congregation of shoes. But, I'm more of s shoe addict than a connoisseur. I've been addicted to one particular pair of shoes for a whopping five years.

I was quietly observing my shoe collection. I noticed my favorite pair of shoes. If you've ever met me, you might know them. They're patent leather red clogs. I like rare things, such as patent-leather-red-clogs (and tabby cats too). What's so great about them, well, they're patent-leather-red. Do you have a pair of patent leather red shoes? Didn't think so... And, get this: they do not require lace-tying or doing up Velcro. All one is required to do is slip their feet into them without much effort at all. I know I'm no big fan of effort, but perhaps there are people out there thrive on effort. If you're like me, I would recommend clogs as proper footwear.

But, as I was looking at these much loved shoes, I observed two tiny slits in the toes. Yes, each shoe is now complete with a hole in the toe. Very classy, indeed. Although, not entirely unexpected, given them and I have been dear dear friends for five years now.

So, through alligator tears and much wailing, I made the difficult decision. The shoes must go! Away with them. I proceeded to put them in the corner of my closet with some other clothing that has been eliminated from my wardrobe. I had to tell myself "Girl, stop dressing like a bum!"

Well, although I would very much not like to look like some sort of street dweller, I gave into temptation. I dug to that very dark corner in my closet and slipped my feet into my old friends. And, it hurt so good.

You! In New York.

Upon impulse and tanking airlines, my friend and I decided to head off to the Big Apple for a weekend. Now, this is something I don’t do. Oh yes, I am spontaneous (or, at least I try to be). It’s just a matter of finances that ceases me from being even more spontaneous. But, on this occasion, we tossed aside other obligations and decided to go for the apple. And for the apple we went!

New York is an overwhelming, bustling metropolis complete with everything you could ever possibly dream of. Do you want Bantu cuisine? New York has it. Have you always desired to see street preachers, in white suits with big blow-dried blonde hair? Who hasn’t? Well, you can see them in New York. Ever wanted to try one of those New York hotdogs? I know I have. And now, I did.

Yes, we had hoot-nanny, if you’ll pardon my unrefined west coast slang. Up the Empire State Building we went to feast our eyes upon the sprawling concrete jungle below. Then over to Rockefeller Center to see what there is to see. We sashayed along Fifth Avenue, rubbing shoulders with the ultra rich. Down to the smelly subway to mingle amongst the working class. Over to Little Italy to get abysmal service at a mafia run restaurant. Across the ancient Brooklyn Bridge to view Manhattan from a new perspective. To Wall Street to witness the nucleus of the financial crisis. We tootled our way around Central Park. A trip to New York is simply incomplete without a proper mosey up and down and through the nooks and crannies of Times Square. And one can’t go to New York without seeing a show. We saw Marry Poppins, but I don’t think she saw us; we were sitting way in the back, amongst the commoners.

Yes, it was a truly exciting weekend, complete with little sleep. New York is worth a visit if you’ve a free weekend. You can plan on non-stop excitement, hilarity, fabulous food, stylish people (that’s you, of course) and a handy Starbucks anywhere you look.

If I can do it, well, you can too.