On Matters of Unfashionable Raiment

Last night I was chatting with my sister on the phone. Somehow we stumbled upon the topic of childhood and a particular story came to mind that I thought I might share. And yes, there is a moral to this particular story.

One day, when I was in kindergarten, I was barreling at an alarmingly fast pace of about 70 mph towards the school from the school bus. Whilst carelessly cantering, on a typically rainy Astoria day, I managed to slip and I plummeted into what was unquestionably mud. I was unsure as to what to do next, so I thought crying would be fitting for the ocassion. I sat in the mud whimpering whilst all my schoolmates ignored me and sauntered into the school. After awhile, I mustered up the guts to arise from the mud and I toddled into the school.

When I crossed the threshold into the building, the school teacher looked at me and my muddy jeans and said in shock, "What's happened to you?"
"I I f-fell down in t-th-the m-mu-mud," I managed to sputter out through tears. I had no idea what to do. What does a five year old do when they've found themselves wearing muddy jeans? Life was just so overwhelming.

She took me by the hand and brought me upstairs to a room stuffed with old clothes. Perhaps I was in the lost and found. Puffy turquoise coats, old Nike high-tops, and stirrup pants. Remember the 90's? 'This is going to be fun', I thought happily to myself—new clothes! Little did I know, I was in for a bit of a rude awakening.

Well, most of the clothing up there was meant for 2nd through 5th graders and I was only a kindergartner. The teacher scrounged up some jeans for me to robe myself in. Hot-pink acid-wash jeans two sizes too big for me. "There you go now. Much better!" she probably triumphantly said.

I stood there frozen with traumatization. Those jeans were traumatizing. As if my little-falling-down-in-the-mud-accident hadn’t left me in a an uneasy twitter. This was just too much. But, there was nothing else available and I couldn’t walk around with any pants on, now could I? These trousers were my only option.

I have to admit, I distinctly remember feeling quite self-conscious in these hot pink acid wash jeans. Or perhaps, they were more of a crushed-strawberry pink pair of acid-wash jeans. Yes, that's it—crushed-strawberry.

I entered my kindergarten classroom about twenty minutes late. Oh gosh, all my little friends had seen me fallen down in the mud crying—how embarrassing. And I'm late and everyone is going to notice me because I'm late. And to top it all off, here I am in these hideous pants.

I joined my comrades on the floor to say the ABC's, recite the pledge of allegiance and count to twenty.
"Hey, ya get some new jeans?" Someone asked me.
"Wow, cool pants," another girl said.
"Um yeah", "Uh, thanks," I blubbered sheepishly, with a quivering lip, in response. This was going to be yet another challenging day in kindergarten.

For the rest of the day, I felt out of place and self-conscious. But how was I going to explain to my parents what happened to my original jeans and why I was wearing these ludicrous crushed-strawberry acid-wash jeans?

When the bus dropped me off at home and I sulked my way up the grass to my house, I came into the house and just stood behind the chair, not really doing anything—just ya know, standing.

That was my tactic. If I just stand there, maybe they won't notice and eventually, I can make good an escape and put on some other jeans. Then I'll bury these pink jeans deep in the earth. No one will ever know.

"I don't know why she's just standing there," my mom said.
"Hey, why don't you come out from behind there?" my dad probably said.

The moment of truth had arrived.

So, I stepped out from behind the chair and revealed myself. There I stood, swimming in my big huge crushed-strawberry acid-wash jeans, dreading the prospect of explaining myself.

And then I warily told them my super embarrassing morning mishap. I explained the jeans, being late for class, crying and the unpleasant tumble I experienced. And my parents raised their eyebrows in amusement as if the whole matter was comical.

Well, I certainly didn't find it comical at all. That day was one of the more objectionable days of my life.

So, the moral? Life is hard when you're five. Little incidents can really make for less than pleasant day.

A Bad Choice

Yesterday, I made another bad choice in a series of bad choices.

Because I have been so busy for the past...oh three years, I have seldom made it to the grocery store. So, in my typical muzzy morning state, I searched through the cupboards for some breakfast. But, they were empty with the exception of some uncooked pasta, brown rice and quinoa.

'Alright, option two,' I thought to myself. I opened to the refrigerator to scrounge up something edible. Hmm, some maple syrup, super salty green olives, raw onions, and an array of salad dressings. Well, no luck there either. Oooh, wait, what was that. Ah ha! I spied some coffee creamer which was set to expire tomorrow. "I know what I'll do," I excitedly thought to myself, "I'll have coffee for breakfast on an empty stomach. What a brilliant idea; yeah!"

And so, I proceeded to make myself a giant pot of coffee. I poured it into a cup and away I went.

After having gotten about four hours of sleep the night before (due to too much excitement or just perhaps general restlessness) I was already in a funk. So, all day, I felt horrible. It felt like there was some sort of black hole in my stomach. My eyes did not want to stay open and my mind was foggy. Luckily, I managed to escape from one of my classes an hour early because I felt funky.

What's the point of this exposition? I just want to teach you something so that you don't make the same mistake/bad choice that I did. Please, don't drink coffee on an empty stomach after having gotten very little sleep. Just don't do it.

Ooh but on a positive note, I was inspired to go grocery food shopping—a habit I highly recommend one starts.

A Distraction Worth Mentioning

I have to warn you, this shall be a very strange post. Only meant for only the most adventurous of blog-readers.

So, this is the scoop.

I made a bad choice this morning as I was getting dressed; I chose tight jeans, a cardigan and a light scarf. Consequently, I was overdressed on this muggy Wednesday. So, I was quite relived to enter an air-conditioned street car to take me to the university where I planned to twitter away my time.

I sat down by the window and hoisted my heavy book bag onto my lap. I chose not to read my Spanish newspaper. Perhaps the weather had sapped away all my mental energy. So instead, I averted my sun-glasses eyes out the window to entertain myself. But then, I become quite distracted from this activity.

Sitting directly in front of me was a young man with incredibly nice hair. His head was only one foot away from me. I wondered what kind of shampoo he used; did he "rinse and reuse" to get such nice hair? The bottle always says "rinse and reuse for best results." I never do that, but now I've been inspired to follow the directions. Suddenly, I had a very strange urge--to run my fingers through his hair and give his head a nice scratch.

And then it hit me. What a bazaar thing to want to do. I mean really! Pull yourself together, girl! Run my fingers through a complete stranger’s hair on public transportation! What if a stranger did that to me? How violating!

Ahh, perhaps I should have given into this peculiar compulsion. Maybe he would have appreciated it. Or perhaps he would have thought I was someone who was very very abnormal.

One can only surmise…

Exceptional Photo

I enjoy superior photography (although, I cannot claim that I have any talent in that arena whatsoever). Sometimes I come across a photo that just really strikes a chord within me. I stole this picture from the BBC website. I thought it was such a wonderful picture that I just couldn't keep it to myself.

The Caption: Julia Greenwell-Green: "This is my daughter shaking her hair about as she had been high with energy after supping several spoons of syrup which she was having with her breakfast of pancakes in the morning."

A Water Bottle Manifesto

We Portlanders know the importance one's water bottle has on one's image. If we carry around re-used Snapple bottles, what would people think? They would think we're the recycling and reusing types bent on conservation. And, we would be quite content with such a characterization. Water bottles are yet another way which set us apart as individuals.

I remember my first official water bottle. I happily forked out $10 back in 2002 for a plastic Nalgene water bottle with the Tullys Coffee logo on it. I toted this 18 ounce water bottle around my high school and regularly filled it up with tap water. I felt quite cool. As I looked around my classroom, my desk was one of the few adorned with a giant Nalgene bottle. Indeed, I felt ahead of the game. But soon, everyone else started buying these over-priced water bottles. And then, I became like everyone else. Just another person with a Nalgene water bottle. Ho hum.

So, whilst we hydrate ourselves, we also want to celebrate our individuality with out water bottles. Hence, stickers have come into play. Some people slap a sticker of their favorite bands logo on their water bottle. Others display political slogans. But in any case, we make an attempt to spice up our water bottles and make them uniquely our own.

Although Nalgene water bottles were nothing but a fleeting fad, water bottles are still a popular accessory. But they have morphed in style, shape, color and now material.

To keep up with the ever-changing times, I have purchased a stainless-steel water bottle. With a flowery design set against the royal blue stainless steel, it truly is a beauty. However, once again, I have noticed that I am not the only one with the bright idea to have a stainless steel water bottle; everyone else has one too. So, I might make mine more distinct by ornamenting it.

Perhaps I will utilize that sticker I was given that says, "I only drink tap water." But then again, everyone else might start to do that also. Sigh.

I Never Met a Chocolate I Didn't Like

I reach for the chocolate the way Sherlock Holmes reached for the opium.

Why, just the other day as I was doing my shopping at the very prestigious Winco I came upon some Lindt chocolate truffles. “I’ll take 16, thank you,” I said to myself as I generously shoveled them into a plastic bag and foamed with excitement at the prospect of enjoying them. Well of course, on the short drive home, I just couldn’t resist and I promptly popped three of them into my mouth. They were the first victims to my irrepressible craving—they never even had a chance to make it to the cupboard.

I’m not sure what exactly makes chocolate so appetizing. All that Cacao mixed with sugar and then just a touch of milk makes ones taste buds positively brimming. Additionally, there are so many types to pick from. Chocolate mixed with…English toffee, creamy mint, peanut butter, almonds, marzipan and even chilies. Just when one gets sick of one flavor, well there's a new flavor on the market.

But lately my chocolate vice has been worse than normal. I find that it gives me energy to plow through some boring text for say a Social Research class. I’ve been keeping it in my (very trendy) messenger bag and allowing myself several morsels at around one in the afternoon. And lately, I’ve even been fooling myself into thinking that it’s healthy.

“Oh, but you need the antioxidants to fight off all those free radicals in your system. Plus, it's really a fruit, after all, it grows on a tree. So, it must be nutritious. Why, it's practically a vitamin."

This is a very helpful tip for one’s justification on the consuming of chocolate.

The Novelty of Cutlery

Cutlery, Silverware, Farberware…Call it what you want, but there is no mistaking that it’s a fabulous invention.

Cutlery: It may seem trite, but it’s nothing to take for granted. Some people eat with their fingers. Now this is a very efficient and practical way to eat. However, one has to be careful to keep one of their hands clean, so they always have a nice sanitary hand for the task of eating. That’s the downside.

And then animals just use their mouth and tongue for the action of eating. This method is very cheap and it eliminates all costs of goods expenses. However, side affects for humans include chronic sloppiness, social awkwardness and general weirdness. So please, consider the cons.

But, let’ explore the method of using cutlery for our duty of eating. I get the privilege of using a fork and knife (and chopsticks if I am feeling especially adventurous). It’s quite nice not to have to spread cream cheese by means of my finger. Not only that, but were I to eat a steak, I would definitely utilize a fork and knife, it’s much more pleasing than the other option—picking up the steak the way one does a sandwich, and sinking my teeth into it. That would be weird— ‘tis not how I was reared!

And, that is why I am thankful for cutlery. Just imagine what means we would have to employ if we did not have it.

So, to Mr. I-invented-the-fork, I humbly say “thank you.”