Tip Your Hat to Your Burger

A few years ago I went to this coffee shop. I did the usual and I ordered a coffee with room for cream. I then spent several hours doctoring up my coffee (adding cream, swirling it with a wooden stir stick, smelling it, adding more cream, looking at it affectionately—you know the usual routine). Anyways, then I walked down the street and about a half a block from the coffee shop, I took my first sip and I stopped in a moment of nirvana. I mean, it was REALLY good coffee, better than other coffee. It was super nutty, aromatic, with hints of chocolate and of course lots of half and half. It was one of those odd moments where I actually stopped and literally savored the moment. But, please note, it was involuntary (much like when food goes down the wrong pipe, you involuntarily cough), I involuntarily enjoyed this moment of utter bliss.

Well, one of my secret desires is to be one of those people who has a travel show and goes around eating foods and after they’ve taken a bite they generally say some extreme sentence and go off about HOW GOOD IT IS!

So, sometimes in my head, I pretend I’m a travel show person eating food and saying witty things about it. But generally, I think the statements both I and them say are exaggerated and voluntary. The coffee incident was a genuine one of shock. But overall, things are good but not great. We voluntarily drum up things to say about how great the food it. And I’m not saying the food is repulsive, but it’s not necessarily life-changing. There are a few exceptions to this phenomenon in which I find myself involuntarily exclaiming about how earth-shattering something is. I can’t help it, it’s a need, I have to rave about it. Sorry dudes.

My list of Foods that Really Truly and Most Certainly Are Genuinely Earth Shattering (Universe Shattering?)

Chevre cheese: No matter how much I try to pretend that I’m pretending when I rant on and on about how life-changing it is. I really mean it. It’s so creamy and amenable—probably the least-offensive cheese out there. It’s great with beets and balsamic vinegar. Or you can just take the log of cheese and start chomping it down, like you would a carrot, but you might get sick and people would think you’re weird. Oh my, I sure and writing a lot about this cheese, I can’t help it, hmmm, maybe you should go buy some. I’m just saying. I will esteem your character if you do. (but then again, I’d esteem your character no matter what, after all, you’re reading this blog).

Mussamun Curry: All curries in Thai restaurants are pretty tasty, but this is my latest gig. It’s so rich and peanuty yet spicy. Next time you catch some Thai food, ditch the yellow or green curry and check this one out. You won’t be disappointed. And it has anise spice in it (I’ve found it, it’s this star shaped spice that looks like a starfish). It’s usually with beef so it’s quite savory and hearty and filling and sticks to your ribs and mind-boggling. Brah!

Naan bread with almond filling: I’ve only had this once, many years ago when I was in London (with crazy cousin Ethel [not her real name]). It’s pretty much impossible to find, but if you happen upon it, I recommend buying it in bulk and stocking up. Naan bread is so light and comforting and when you add almond paste to it, it’s almost dessert-like. Although it’s been about five years since I’ve eaten it and I’ve had many other meals since then, I will always remember this for some reason. Hmm, maybe it was exceptional.

$1 McDonalds Cheeseburger: Just seeing if you were paying attention. Totally overrated, and not that great, but it will sustain life (for awhile at least), and it's cheap.

All right, so now you’re wondering why I put in McDonalds? I mean, that’s not good food at all! Well, here’s the thing, you’re not going to come across universe-shattering food all the time. But this is no reason to spiral down into a deep and dark depression. Food is meant to sustain life. You need it in order to live. (Guuh?)

So, I encourage you to remember this: Don’t go around being all depressed because the food wasn’t as good and you wanted it to be. You’re still alive because of it and you should be deeply grateful to food because it’s what keeps you alive.

Ah, Food, love it or hate it, you still need it.