Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A Great Scientific Discovery

I've come to the disturbing realization that the majority of the great men and women of this fine country own pets. Sadly, I am not a part of this subcategory of our population. I do not own a pet. Nope, not even a fish. But once I had a plant (but that is another story, one which I shall bore you with the details at a later unknown date).

Although, I do not own a pet, I do have the joy of enjoying the canines and felines of others.

One thing I have learned from trekking through this society is that everyone has a pet story. I mean everyone: the dental hygienist, the professor, the guy running a jackhammer making all that racket and the typical communist activist. Even I have pet stories.

So, here goes. The other day, I found myself enjoying the company of my parents canine. He is probably the animal out of all the animals I've met that brings me the most joy. I enjoy most things about him. Once upon a time, he trotted by the baby sleeping in the carrier and licked his bald head in affection. Once he walked by me as I was sleeping and licked me on the mouth and awoke me. I didn't appreciate it, but I did appreciate the though. He had bad breath which was most despairing. However, I think people would appreciate dog licks more if only their breath smelled pleasant. So, please continue reading as I have quite surprisingly found a remedy for this common ailment typical of the canine population.

Like many great scientific discoveries this cure came to me by chance.

Once day, I took the canine out for a stroll. We got back. I headed for a chair to read a book and he headed for his king size dog bed. After awhile, he started panting quite heavily and my mother said "Boy, he sure is panting. Did you go far?" We did not traverse far, I am afraid it was just a quick stroll. Well then the canine wrinkled his nose and gave a good sneeze. I said "bless you!" He looked at me. Then, he did it again. It was the darndest thing. At this point, I decided I would go up to him and give him a niiice pet.

As I was stroking him, I noticed a tablet he was chewing on. I inspected it meticulously and figured out it was a cinnamon tablet/vitamin/pill. Aha! The culprit! This explains the strange behavior. The panting. The nose wrinkling. The sneezing.

But then he tried to lick my face again and it was not half-bad this time around. He had good breath. Nice Cinnamon-y breath! I didn't mind at all. Lick away! I felt I was being malled by a giant cinnamon stick and I felt I was in the great cinnamon plantations of India.

Well, my great discovery is the cure for "dog breath"

Cinnamon tablets. Common side effects include uncontrollable panting, explosive sneezing and a generally happy outlook on life. Talk to your local vitamin dealer if your dog is experiencing symptoms of bad breath.