Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cirque Du'Firework

The Fourth of July. A great tradition indeed. If we didn't blow up things in the air, how would we celebrate independence from the Brits? Well, we'd probably shoot something (nevermind, forget I mentioned that). Anyways, I'm going to talk about the fourth of July and you can't stop me.

During my youth, my aunts would tease me and say "Do they have a fourth of July in England" and I would stupidly say "No! It's an America holiday." And they would say "Yes they do!" And then we would occur to me minutes later what they mean't. We'd all go "Hahaha" and then join in spontaneous community singing of the Star Spangled banner. That's pretty much how the saga went (except for I'm telling a great big fib right now).

For some reason, I always found myself sleeping on a trundle bed around the time of year and in the big city at their house being served pasta salad and black bean chips and some other healthy nonsense. Sometimes we would go to a neighborhood parade and watch all manner of riff raff parade (haha) past us. I remember several summers in the hot heat enjoying the American holiday with doting aunts catering to every whim of their be-freckled niece. As a young impressionable child, I was so impressed with neighborhood parades and envious of those who walked in them. Someday I would be in a parade and everyone would look at me too and I'd throw candy at people violently.

Well, now that I've gained a few years, I've got a bit more experience under this belt of mine and I've celebrated dozens of fourths of July's. This year, to celebrate independence from British imperialism, I did what I always did, watched fireworks and made "ooh" "aaah" noises. Then later conversations of "such and such was my favorite firework" "I like it when it sort of blows up and fizzles away towards the ground" "Oh me too!" "I liked the one that looks like a cowboy hat" "That wasn't a cowboy hat, it was a butterfly!" "Was not!" "etc."

Funny, when I was a kid, this holiday was "kind of a big deal." I was speechless and aghast at the fireworks. Some of them were so close to me, I instinctively moved my head back and thought the sparks would get me.

The whole point of this holiday went over my head when I was in my youth. I just liked seeing pretty things in the sky and eating cakes decorated with blueberries and strawberries in American flags. Now I realize the point of this holiday; freedom and independence.

And yet what better way to celebrate independence by playing with fire and blowing things up in the sky?

Monday, July 18, 2011

Dear Cell, Fare Thee Well.

This summer, I had the miserable fortune of taking a three week crash course in biology. The class was titled "Biology 101" now you might go around supposin' that it's some easy class. Well "bah" to you! You don't know anything! I'll tell you a thing or two about a thing or two!

I spent three weeks in a daze as information about genetics, electrons, mitochondria and potassium whizzed by my cerebrum at a supersonic speed. It was an experience I had not experienced since that dreaded accounting class my freshman year of college when I was determined that lil ol' me would be a bon-a-fide business major. In reality, I just wanted to wear a power suit, high heels a carry around an important looking briefcase (most likely stuffed with candy cigarettes and whoopee cushions[yes, I know, I would make a rubbish business woman, okay?!]). Well, anyways, after the accounting class, I realized that I'm not cut out for business - I'm not cut throat enough and my lip quivers when I get berated and well I'm just "too nice." That class done licked me. I barely passed it. I should have thought to myself queasily "this is the demise of my academic career" but I didn't have the academic experience to entertain such thoughts.

So, back to the whole lets-learn-biology-in-three-short-weeks-and-go-through-a-week-of-material-in-one-day story. It was a nightmare. I stayed up studying my books and notes and re-reading the chapters time and time again. And then I took the midterm and totally biffed. Then I thought to myself "Oh dear, this really is the demise of my academic career. Glad I'm done with it anyways."

I ended up taking this blasted biology class pass no pass, which is something I've not done since that vile accounting class.

What a great way to start and end a college career. Pass or No Pass. Hah!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Mean Ol' Baby

Yeah, I'm going to talk about babies today. This is something that after much consideration I just decided I'd go ahead and take the plunge. I know you're probably a bit babied out. Everyone is always yammering on about babies and now there is a documentary out called, well "Babies."

Obviously babies are sort of a hot topic these days and in my corner of the world we are experiencing a baby boom. Either you've just had a baby, or you're going to have one. And, if you haven't had a baby, you're thinking about obtaining one - possibly by theft.

So, what's the fuss about babies? They're just people like you and I. As a big grown-up adult, I'm starting to feel left out. I sort of wish people would sit around and look upon me with amazement when I do really trite things, like sneezing or yawning.

Yeah, I'm a little jealous of all the attention babies get. No one fawns over me when I do anything normal. And if I were to just lose it the way a 15 month old does, I wouldn't get away with that. People would say "Oh pull yourself together woman." I'd get no sympathy. Zilch.

It's Not Fair!