Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Purpose of Trendy Streets

I dug up an old post that I meant to post about three months ago.

I have been on a sabbatical from my social life. I just need a moment to sit and stare at the wall whilst I think about what it would be like to live in an avocado tree in Maui, or what the difference between clams and oysters are. So, I'm taking it easy and declining most social invitations.

This resulted in spending much time at home relaxing, writing, doing homework, reading, unloading the dishwasher and studying. I began to feel restless so I thought I would drive somewhere in my car.

I found myself on what was unquestionably one of the trendier streets in this town. A street with an buffet of vintage stores, coffee shops, book stores and micro-breweries.

The people there are trendy and don clothing that hasn't quite caught on to the masses (as they are too weird and can only be found in vintage clothing stores in three sizes too big). Some of the people there I would like to politely ask "Um excuse me, but what gender are you?"

And of course, it wouldn't be a truly eclectic street without the environmental activist approaching people saying: "Can I teach you about clean energy?" to which I reply "No thanks, I prefer fossil fuels." (Okay, that isn't true, I don't prefer fossil fuels, but I secretly imagine myself saying that to the those people who accost me just to ruffle some feathers and give them an answer not to be expected).

I wandered into a vintage store selling all manner of doodads, knick knacks, lamp shades, vinyl records, telephones (Who uses those anymore? With the affordability of cellular phones), rocking horses, and various relics of the past. I also bought a foofy coffee with whipped cream whilst I wandered around a used bookstore (I didn't buy anything as I am a fan of the library).

This brings me to the whole point of this discourse. The purpose of trendy streets is to cure to boredom for both individuals and groups. They are to be utilized and enjoyed by everyone. Note that I said "used," this means, go there and wander around.

I know it exists where you live. A trendy neighborhood that all the guidebooks mention. It's one of the places all the tourists go, but since you live there,well you've never bothered visiting this place. Well, go there and enjoy it!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

An Impolite Accumulation of Leaves

After several years of life experience, I have finally figured out what the problem of modern western society is. Leaf blowers.

I know, it's a pretty astounding realization and you're probably going "Whoa, yeah, you're right...huh, never thought of that culprit. There was the answer right in front of me all along!" Thanks.

This week, I had two objectionable encounters with leaf blowers.

The first, I was walking from class to my house to have lunch and then take a nap and not do my homework. When on the way, there was a man blowing leaves all over the place and a bus coming at the same time. Well, as you can imagine, there was dust everywhere, as well as leaves and bus exhaust. It was then that several flecks of dust flew into my eyes and I experienced minor discomfort. I gave the man a look of pure unbridled rage. He turned off his leaf blower and forlornly looked away, knowing he had caused minor discomfort because of his machine.

I got home and washed all the junk out of my eyes whilst simultaneously saying less than complimentary things about leaf blowers.

The second objectionable incident occurred today, I was walking in a beautiful neighborhood that had gold, orange, brown and purple leaves scattered everywhere. It was quiet and I was enjoying the "crunch" sound I was making when stomping on the fallen leaves. When, once again, I came upon a man with a leaf blower. I experienced more discomfort with the loud noises the machine was making. These offensive machines are just so loud and unpleasant and wreck any intimate moment one might be having with nature. "Hrmph" I thought to myself "I'm writing to my senator about this!"

Shortly later, I stumbled upon a woman raking leaves in her yard. And, it was just so much more pleasant. The scratching sound of the rake and the whooshing sound of the leaves going in a pile--very politely and non-offensively, I might add.

Rakes are just better than leaf blowers. Here's why.

Leaf blowers: They...

1. are uncivilized, loud and obnoxious.
2. are leading to America's obesity epidemic because they require no physical activity.
3. require batteries which is probably mined in a third world country using forced labor.
4. have plastic parts, which comes from petroleum, which causes the price of oil and other goods (like food) to go up.
5. cause health problems (specifically respiratory) because of the smell and fumes they emit.

Rakes: They...

1. are handcrafted with love.
2. require a rigorous workout and leave one with a sense of worth and accomplishment.
3. promote a positive outlook on life.
4. can be used for beautiful decorations in your barn.
5. give your life meaning.

There, plenty of evidence that leaf blowers are the cause of the problems our modern society faces and that rakes are superior. Next time you feel a need to remove the leaves from your lawn or sidewalk, please be civil and use a rake.